Aidan thought adultery was where a group of adults got together and discussed contemporary issues so he was completely unprepared for the consequences of his Civil Union.

Blair knew he had the best butt in the Bay of Islands and that many tourists admired it.

Chen spent a lot of time on NZdating and thought of himself as take-out Chinese.

Dylan was depressed because although he did Body-For-Life and pilates and he had a Life Coach, men seldom phoned him back after he had sex with them.

Eric often fantasied about being a eunuch because he thought it would be easier.

Felix was obsessed with France and, although he didn’t say it aloud very often in Featherston, he knew that the French rugby team made the All Blacks look like a bunch of oinks.

Gavin tried hard to reconcile his belief in God with his fondness for passive sodomy.

Henare created havoc in the hearts of many homosexual men because he hadn’t quite moved from gay-friendly to available yet.

Ian had the idea that he was idolised by other gay men but really they were only treating him like the slut he was.

Jon also had a yellow T-shirt that said ‘Juicy Root’ in big red letters and he was just good-looking enough to get away with it.

Karl liked wearing kilts even though he had no Scottish ancestors.

Liam loved the idea of being in love with someone else but he seldom was.

Madhu was a male model much in demand for his masculine moodiness but it made him a pain in the butt to live with.

Nils thought that the philosophy of Nietzsche was neat but he’d quickly realised that most gay men were in favour of Hobbes when it came to their sexual behaviours.

Owen was attracted to obese men which meant he had many more opportunities open to him.

Phil couldn’t quite reconcile his prediliction for penises with his phobia of germs.

Quentin was quite sure he’d turned out to be queer because of his name and he blamed his mother.

Ronan felt that rich men were there to be exploited even if occasionally he had to turn up his rear to do so.

Steve took steroids and sucked cock and liked the music of Paul van Dyk which made him very attractive to people he considered stupid.

Talatala was actually timid but knew some men got off on thinking he was threatening.

Ulysses usually experienced an urgent need to urinate whenever he entered a gay venue.

Vaughan liked variety even if he often had to think about someone else when it was happening.

Wayne found a kitten was better for his mental wellbeing than Wellington’s gay nightlife.

Xavier dressed up as Santa every year for the Lateshift Xmas Party.

Yanni had discovered, after a few years in the gay community, that it was still all Greek to him.

Zach was the only gay Zulu in New Zealand but he lived in a completely monogamous relationship.