I have been hard pressed to write, or do much at all, after finding the 5th season of The L Word on YouTube and trying to watch it all before it is possibly found and removed (ah!).  It is such addictive watching, but seriously, is Jenny Schecter not the MOST annoying TV character since Fran Fine?

I don’t want to spoil too much of what is going on for anyone who has only seen up to the end of season four, or less, but let’s just say Jenny’s on an even mightier power trip than ever before.  As so many fans have already said, why oh why did they kill off Dana and not Jenny?  Oh Dana . . . (sighs)

It’s exciting times for Bette and Tina fans though . . . are they . . . maybe . . . will they get back together?!  I am sooo in love with Miss Powerpants; Bette Porter.  I’ve decided she’s my HOWILF (pronounced howwwl wolf) as in hot older woman I’d like ta . . . yeah. 

In other movements, someone finds romance behind bars, someone else hits the headlines, while someone else entirely is annoying as hell (guess who?!)

There will apparently be just one more season of The L Word made and I seriously hope something new comes along afterwards, so I don’t have to be stuck watching The Box and just wishing it was a dyke channel, as the name so cruelly insinuates it could be. 

I guess there is always Grey Anatomy, which I find pretty boring generally . . . but I hear there is a lesbian storyline happening involving that hot Dr Callie Torres.  Did anyone see the elevator kiss?  I’ll have to check it out.  As long as they don’t move in together and try to have a baby next week (eek turkey basters!), I’ll take any lesbian storyline I can get.

Here’s the first part of the first episode from season five of The L Word anyway ladies (and all you guys who love The L Word after being introduced by your lesbian mates).  The links to the next parts of the episode, and further episodes, pop up when you open it in YouTube.  Watch it while you can!

I was getting a little morose, thinking after a dream Summer and Autumn, concert season had dried up.  I feared all that would be on offer over winter would be the likes of Westlife, Panic at The Disco (now apparently without an exclamation mark, which doesn’t help anything) or even, God forbid, the freaking Ten Tenors (isn’t one enough!?)

Anyway, thanks to the awesomeness of Cheese on Toast and their pre-sale, I have two shiny tickets to see The Breeders in a courier bag on the way to my house.  The Breeders feature Kim Deal, of the Pixies, who is perhaps one of the rockingest most talented women in rock history.  It’s bound to be a cracking show.  Having never seen The Breeders before, I am VERY excited. 

Also in my concert diary are indie rockers Band of Horses, who are coming in July.  If you haven’t heard these guys and their beautiful sound, do yourself a favour and check this out:

And finally rounding out my concert heaven, is the queen of my soul, the legendary Mary J Blige, who is making her first trip to New Zealand.  Hopefully she pulls out some of those heart wrenching slow jams that were part of the soundtrack to my early-teens, like this one:

Oh and anyone going to see Elton tonight - have a wickedly camp time!

The results from a gaynz.com contest asking you to name your favourite Madonna song have some interesting results.  They’re counted back here . . . with a bit of music trivia and some videos for the top five, to boot (and a gratuitous girl on girl kiss pic).

10th equal. Frozen (1998) and Erotica (1992)

Trivia: Naomi Campbell appeared in the Erotica video.

9. Into The Groove (1985)

Trivia: This song featured in Madonna’s first feature film; Desperately Seeking Susan.

8. Holiday (1983)

Trivia: This was Madonna’s first ever hit song.  

7. Jump (2006)

Trivia: Madonna is trying to channel a Japanese anime character in the video for Jump.

6. Music  (2000)

Trivia: Madonna was five-months pregnant with her son Rocco during the filming of the video, which is why an animation section was included.

5. Like A Prayer (1989)

4. Hung Up (2005)

3. Vogue (1990)

2. Like A Virgin (1984)

1. 4 Minutes (2008)

So what do you think?  I must say I’m surprised at the number one.  With all Madonna’s classics to choose from, why pick a song where she, like so many current pop artists, chose to use the combined timber powerof Timberland and Timberlake, rather than going it on her own? 

As soon as I hear a song that starts with Timberland groaning, I can’t hear anything else . . .  meanwhile Justin Timberlake groping at Madonna’s clothes in the video is just plain scary - did he learn nothing from “nipplegate”?

The most disappointing thing about this song is that you can barely hear Madonna’s vocals through everything going on the background.  If 4 Minutes is supposed to save the world . . . somebody call Al Gore and tell him not to bother. 

Give me the 80s, Like a Prayer and Like a Virgin, over 2000s hip-poptastic Madonna any-day!  

So come on gaynz.com readers - tell me WHY OH WHY is 4 Minutes your favourite Madonna song?  Is it just the first one you thought of in your haste to enter the contest . . . or do you really, truly love it? 

So there’s been a bit of hype around for awhile about Scarlett Johansson releasing an album, Anywhere I Lay My Head, which is a Tom Waits tribute with one original track.  I heard a version she did of Summertime a little while back and thought it was pretty nice, so I had high hopes for her upcoming album.

However I have been listening to some samples of her covers and I’m far from impressed, in fact I’m entirely underwhelmed.  What has been produced is a mish-mash loud synthesizers over Johansson’s barely-audible voice, which she’s pushed down deeper than sounds natural.  The album actually sounds like it’s inspired by that song Kokomo, you know “Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya . . .”

Let’s make it clear that I have a real soft spot for Waits, who to me is all whiskey and gravel and goodness.  I was introduced to his music by my current girlfriend and love of my life.  We’ve since spent plenty of nights painting, drinking, smoking and get real laid back while listening to Tom.  Here’s an example of who he is, megaphone included:

While Scarlett Johansson was super cute as the kid in The Horse Whisperer and great in Lost in Translation, she’s now taken a step into towards that hazy popular part of the entertainment world I attempt to avoid, almost (but not quite) into the irredeemable company of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan and slobbering paparazzi hounds.  No matter how great your producers are and how many incredible guest artists you have, if you don’t have a great voice you can’t be a singer. 

While it’s not awful, there is just nothing memorable to Scarlett’s voice.  It’s monotonous and dull and boring, no spark, no fire.  The irony is that if you’ve seen Jim Jarmusch’s brilliant Down By Law you might be able to make a strong case that Waits trumps Johansson in the acting stakes anyway!But there’s always hope there will be a few hot music videos, which I for one will be probably watching on mute.  Stick to being gorgeous Miss Johansson - leave singing to the singers.Which brings me to what really is floating my boat right now - the new album from Portishead; Third.  It’s stunning.  Do yourself a favour and buy a copy.  Beth Gibbons - now that is one woman with a hot, hot voice.Meanwhile, if you want to hear some fun Scarlett Johansson inspired music, try this track from The Teenagers “Starlett Johansson.”

What a harrowing loss.  

Mahinarangi Tocker has passed away at North Shore Hospital this afternoon after having a massive asthma attack last week.  We are told she died peacefully.

The first time I saw her perform live was at the first-ever Big Gay Out I went to, when I was a sorta-straight girl seriously questioning my sexuality.  I can recall her standing on the stage, I think she was actually barefoot, just so laid back and churning out one beautiful song after another.  She paid tribute to her partner, saying she had been with her for about 15 years.  That really struck me - and sparked the thought that maybe I could find a woman to be with and love for a long time.

The next time I saw Mahinarangi perform she completely blew my mind.  It was at the Auckland performance of the musical tribute to the poet Hone Tuwhare that Charlotte Yates collaborated.  The late Hone Tuwhare was my favourite poet and hearing his inspired words to music was an incredible experience, intensified by the fact that Tuwhare himself, despite being ill, made the trek up to Auckland from the depths of Otago.

Mahinarangi’s take on the poem ”A Northland Heart-Scape” was breathtaking.  I can still recall the way her voice ascended then crashed in a heart-rendering finale.

My thoughts are with her partner.  I hope she knows how much Mahinarangi was loved and respected by many New Zealanders, gay or not.

I don’t have the words to pay tribute to such a life, so I’ll let Mahinarangi speak for herself, in a poem “Never” which was in her 2001 collection “Lyrics Without Melody”.

a breath is a breath
is a sound is a sigh
is a knot in my belly
that I’ll never define
I’ll take all I get
and get all I give
to be caught in the bow
of a ship I’ll not sail
and the season of truth
is a season of change
as abrupt and as sharp
as a thunderous rain

a kiss is a kiss
is a heart beat to rest
in a clotted vein best
returned

and my song is your song
a verse of a chorus
to be with you and under
we walk the hand walk
and we talk the mouth smooth
to the end of an earth
that I don’t realise
in adventures and toil
you’ll be precious to spoil
and I’ll lay in your arms
to hide
away from avoidance
away from the known
that make me forgive
what I need to forget
as in wild winter
as winter in wild
here we are stormed
and treacherous…
to lie in together
you die in my lap
we are wrapped in deception
and truth…

a sigh is a sigh is a breath is a breath is a knot in my belly that I cannot digest…

Kitten Power is now bespectacled . . . a long-procrastinated visit to the optometrist revealed I’m blind as a bat.  I picked up my new nerd specs yesterday and through great skill and balance-fu, I have managed to trip over only twice.  I can’t wait to go to a rugby game , so I can actually see the numbers on the players’ backs and the scoreboard.

Of course there have been the nerd jokes and the lame “cast me a spell, Harry Potter” from my flatmate. 

However, the great news is that my girlfriend (sorry “Pussy Lips”) is still super-hot and boys still look super-boring.

So feeling rather sensitive, how nice it was on rubbish day when the teenage boys working on my neighbourhood recycling truck shouted “hey sexy, oh yeah, hey sexy” as I rushed off to work.  Cause we all know there’s nothing to raise a bespectacled lesbian’s self-esteem like dirty wolf whistling rubbish truck boys . . . . ahem.

To genuinely cheer my dorked-out self up, I have put together a youtube mix tape of music to wear specs by.

The Magic Numbers - I See You, You See Me

Yacht - See A Penny (Pick It Up)

The Breeders - Iris

KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See

Radiohead - Everything in Its Right Place

Dimmer - Don’t Even See Me

Bright Eyes - No One Would Riot For Less

Jimmy Cliff - I Can See Clearly Now

In continuance of my crusade to prove that just because we’re gay we don’t have to listen to disco (particularly atrocious cases of drunken boogie fever being the exception here) I have put together my pickings of quality, hot and relatively recent music featuring gay men and gay themes.  I would have put Rufus Wainwright on this list, but I’ve already talked about him plenty in the past.  So here are some newbies!

Bloc Party - I Still Remember

While he’s shy and not a fan of the media prying into his sex life, what is known is that gorgeous Bloc Party frontman Kele Okereke wrote this song about a schoolboy who has a crush on another schoolboy and regrets not doing anything about it. 

Lyrics selection:

You should have asked me for it
How could I say no?
And our love could have soared
Over playgrounds and rooftops
Now every park bench screams your name
I kept your tie
I’d have gone wherever you wanted 

Okereke says about the song - ”I know from my own experiences a lot of heterosexual boys had feelings or experiences when they were younger.  And that’s not really ever spoken about, that unspoken desire.”

Sigur Ros - Saeglopur

The ethereal falsetto of gay Sigur Ros frontman Jonsi Birgisson makes me completely melt into dreamland.  When I listen to Sigur Ros I wish I could hop a plane to Iceland, to live in a glacial cavern, drinking Brennivin with Bjork and Jonsi all day long.  Saeglopur is one of my favourite songs and the video is beautiful.

Apparently the translation of the lyrics is this:

Alive
Has returned home
A lost seafarer
Alive
Has returned home
A diver comes

Placebo - The Bitter End

Although their drummer Steve Hewitt has left the band, Placebo’s core line-up was two gay guys and one bisexual guy, which is a rarity for any band from any era.  Led by the modern prince of androgyny Brian Molko (who is the bi one), their music   Placebo are working on a new album - and have apparently been looking for fans to appear in a music video.

The Bitter End seems to be about stalking someone who has dumped you:

Every step we take that’s synchronized
Every broken bone
Reminds me of the second time
That I followed you home

Antony and the Johnsons - Hope There’s Someone

Antony Hegarty was apparently mistaken for a “black woman” by Bjork when she first heard his voice.  It’s hardly surprising considering he has moments in his vocals where he sounds hauntingly like Billie Holiday.  In other trivia - the openly gay musician apparently claims to have been celibate for six years.  No wonder he sounds so morose.

Interesting lyrics:

There’s a man on the horizon
Wish that I’d go to bed
If I fall to his feet tonight
Will allow rest my head

Grizzly Bear - Knife

This experimental-indie-folk band are from New York and are getting plenty of good karma on the alternative scene.  Their gay and extremely tall frontman Ed Droste says while they have a couple of “bear” fans, he doesn’t think Grizzly Bear have had any extra attention from that part of the gay community due to their name.  I feel a fanclub coming on . . . “We’re Queer for Grizzly Bear” anyone?  This song Knife is about stringing someone along and cheating on them.

Here are some lyrics:

I want you to know
when i look in your eyes
with every blow
comes another lie

Chris Garneau - Relief

Let’s get mellow here . . . apart from being completely gorgeous, Boston native Chris Garneau also has an incredibly sweet voice. 

This song Relief is so gentle, but also very dark, as these lyrics show:

I didn’t go to see the city
I went to see it around you
We can laugh in hell together
The devil will find you too

I’ve only scratched the surface here really - if you’re keen for more check out Deerhunter, Patrick Wolf, Jacob Diefenbach and even Final Fantasy.

My girlfriend really is super and she is my hero.  Despite the fact we have spent much of the last four days arguing, while packed in a hot car and zooming across the North Island (I don’t know whether lesbians really are made for tight spaces). 

However, today it is back to the daily grind and before I jump onto a train to be surrounded by short-short wearing, giant backpack wielding and water bottle sipping uni student clones, (don’t short shorts and giant backpacks somehow cancel each other out?) I just had to have a bit of fun . . .

If my girlfriend really was a superhero, apart from the obvious power to whip my clothes off in 0.1 of a millisecond . . . what other tricks would she have up her sleeveless vest?

Well here she is . . . and I tell you this superhero girlfriend generator is fab, because it actually asks you if you want a super male or super female, as well as whether you are gay.  If only the rest of life’s quizzes were so simple.

Black Canary

60.4% Match
Long legs, leather, and fishnet stockings. You are in for one night you will never forget. Just be careful not to show her too good of a time. If you make her scream, it’ll knock your head off.

Well she’s hot and a little scary.  Sounds perfect!  Except for the no screaming part.

Guys - you can do this too, by choosing super male instead of super female.   

What’s on Kitten Power’s headphones: CSS

Today may be back to work - but tonight will be time to party when Cansei de Ser Sexy play Auckland’s Kings Arms.  The super cute Brazilians are doing a double header, playing two nights in a row, with some die-hard fans going along to both.  I can’t wait to see them, as I missed their last trip over.  Plus they have promised to play some new music.  I’ll let you know how it goes! 

I’ve just seen that the second track from the Breeders forthcoming album Mountain Battles is out on the web.

For a free download of Bang On go here.

I’m quite liking it.  It’s understated.

I have belatedly discovered the list of the “50 gayest songs”created by Australian website Same Same to celebrate Mardi Gras.  I am left wondering who actually voted on this thing, that allowed ABBA’s Dancing Queen to be voted #1!  That song reminds me of being stuck listening to my stepmother warbling along to it in the car on a long drive, or drunk straight girl spinning in the middle of a circle of just-as-drunk straight girls at Boogie Wonderland.

Apart from the word “queen” in the title, there is nothing that screams gay to me, or makes me feel proud, represented - or like dancing.

Here are the so called “top ten” songs:

10. Alicia Bridges, “I Love The Nightlife”
9. Madonna, “Vogue”
8. Olivia Newton-John “Xanadu”
7. Kylie Minogue, “Better The Devil You Know”
6. Pet Shop Boys, “Go West”
5. Kylie Minogue, “Your Disco Needs You”
4. The Weathergirls, “It’s Raining Men”
3. Gloria Gaynor, “I Will Survive”
2. Village People, “YMCA”
1. ABBA, “Dancing Queen

To be fair the full list has a few goodies on it - (I am What I Am, Over The Rainbow and such) but other than that, to me this top 50 is just a tired gathering of overused drag songs.

The only song that comes anywhere near creating a sense of lesbian pride in me is at #42 Constant Craving from KD Lang - and I don’t own a single KD Lang album (shock! horror!)

But rather than continuing to complain about what a dire drag this list is, I have surveyed a few friends from different spheres of this lesbian world and begun creating a list of some of the songs that make that lesbian marrow in our bones scream girl power.

Patti Smith - Gloria (1975)

This cover of Van Morrison’s Gloria gets my spine a-tingling.  It is Patti Smith right in the heat of her heyday singing “oh, she looks so good, oh, she looks so fine, and I got this crazy feeling and then I’m gonna ah-ah make her mine, ooh I’ll put my spell on her” and that powerful chorus “G-L-O-R-I-A Gloria.”

Heart - Barracuda (1977)

This song was apparently written in response to tabloid rumours, which some say stemmed from Heart’s own record company, that Ann and Nancy Wilson were lesbian lovers.  The rumours were disgusting and ridiculous enough for the Wilson sisters to get venomous, spitting out the lyrics “you lying so low in the weeds, bet you gonna ambush me, you’d have me down on my knees, wouldn’t you, Barracuda?”

Joan Jett - Bad Reputation (1980):

“I don’t give a damn bout my reputation.  You’re living in the past its a new generation.  A girl can do what she wants to do and that’s what I’m gonna do.  And I don’t give a damn bout my bad reputation.”  It speaks for itself doesn’t it?  This song tops my list, it makes me feel like I can conquer anything.

Joan Armatrading - The Weakness In Me (1981)

This song is clearly about being trapped between two loves - one old, one new.  It’s so tormented that, whether it’s intended to be about a woman or not, it reflects the nature of many lesbian relationships.  To me, it seems like it could be seen as being about being with a guy, then falling in love with a woman and just being completely rocked by it.  (Sorry about the kareoke version of teh video - click here for a better clip)

Gloria Gaynor - I Am What I Am (1983)

It’s a camp anthem I feel like gay guys and girls can all share.  Plus there had to be a disco number in here somewhere.   Come on sing along, ”your life is a sham, till you can shout out I am what I am.”

Sonic Youth - Starpower (1986)

This haunting song features the vocals of Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon and is said to be about the experience of watching Joan Jett play.  Let’s just ignore the fact Gordon’s bandmate Thurston Moore actually wrote it and just listen to the lyrics “she knows how to make love to me, she knows how to make love.”

K.D. Lang - Constant Craving (1992)

As I have already said, I don’t own any K.D. Lang albums.  However this song is a classic, it’s just gorgeous.  It makes me think about the times my girlfriend is away, when I miss her so much it’s literally a craving.

Bikini Kill - Rebel Girl (1993)

Have you ever met a girl you wanted to both take home and try on her clothes?  This song, which is laced with a little sarcasm, is about the “queen of the neighbourhood” that everyone loves and always seems to be playing in scenes of The L Word involving Shane.  I love these lyrics - “when she walks, the revolution’s coming.  In her hips, there’s revolution.  When she talks, I hear the revolution.  In her kiss, I taste the revolution.”

Melissa Etheridge - Come To My Window (1994)

Can you really have a list of the best lesbian music, without Melissa Etheridge?  She’s not quite the voice of my generation, but she is to be respected.  It’s inspiring that she even released an album called Yes I Am.  And true to her talent, she has plenty of fans from the gay and straight worlds.  Plus I quite like this song - and the video features Juliette Lewis!

Le Tigre - Hot Topic (1999)

This song is a shout out to a pile of feminist and queer icons that inspire Le Tigre, including Gertrude Stein, Bille Jean King, Cibo Matto and even Yoko Ono.  It also issues a challenge to keep on fighting with the lyrics “don’t you stop.  I can’t live if you stop.”

Melissa Ferrick - Drive (2000)

This song is HOT.  My friend introduced me to it with the following instructions: 

• Jump on the net and download the song (make sure it’s the studio version…not the live one)
• get the best quality you can
• listen to it through some great quality headphones…or a great stereo with your girl
• turn the lights low or light some candles,
• add a glass of red into the mix

Said friend finished the instructions with “and if this doesn’t make you wet then I don’t know what will.”  Hence I won’t put a video up and will let you discover it for yourselves, or relive it . . .

Pink - U+Ur Hand (2001)

I’m not particularly a Pink fan, but one does have to admit she is pretty hot.  And she’s split from that biker husband, so there’s always hope she’ll switch back to women.  This song can be taken with a side of innuendo, but it also has a pretty clear message . . . “keep your drink just give me the money - just you and your hand tonight”.  Nice way to deal with those unwelcome advances from guys in bars. 

Peaches - I U She (2003)

Although Peaches has many songs that could make this list, I’m going with the simple ode to being free in bisexuality, with ”I, you, she together, come on now baby let’s go.  I don’t have to make a choice, I like girls and I like boys . . .” Boys Wanna be Herwas a close second from this electro goddess.

Eurythmics - I’ve Got a Life (2005)

Annie Lennox is an icon for many lesbian women - and doesn’t she consistently look super hot in a tie?  The song is very reminiscent of Sweet Dreams with all the synth - with an against the odds message “I’ve got a life it ain’t over.  I’ve got a way, it’s the only things that’s mine.  All I’m asking for is tenderness, a little tenderness.”

Gossip - Standing In The Way of Control (2006)

This new-age gay rights anthem gets me pumped every time I hear it.  It’s the best thing to listen to when you’re having a tough day at work, or just need to wake up properly in the morning.  Beth Ditto says the song is a response to people being denied the right o gay marriage in the US; “I wrote the chorus to try and encourage people not to give up. It’s a scary time for civil rights, but I really believe the only way to survive is to stick together and keep fighting.”

Who have I missed that you love?  The Butchies? Sarah McLachlan? Indigo Girls? Ani DiFranco? The Murmurs? Team Dresch? L7?  School me in your lesbian music taste!

(Please note, I refuse to include that contrived fake lesbian schoolgirl song All The Things She Said by T.A.T.U. - that is the opposite of girl power!)